so im back on xanga.. i think.

you know what i was gonna start using this again. but i dont want to be tempted to look back on my old self because frankly i hate that bitch. she was depressed. mean. and did ALOT of things she should regret. notice i say i should regret. but i dont. not because i think anything good. but because all the things i did in the past. good or bad have molded me into a new person. someone that i still kinda dont like but can tolerate a fuckton more then the old me. so im going to start a blogspot thingy and start new. and use it to keep track of the good things in my life so maybe perhaps i can forget the bad. or at least put it somewhere in me thats less noticeable. i want people to see me as someone strong.. not strong, strong is too strong of a word. perhaps someone stable. yes stable thats the word im looking for. i want to be seen as stable. and happy. and sane-ish lol (i would never ask for full sanity then ill be boring and who would want that lmao :-p ) i want to be able to smile and say im fine and be able to think back to myself holy shit i really am ok. i need to find my happy and im working on that. so from now on i shall use the blogspot thingy to post about my steps to happiness because theres no point in being sad all that brings about is pity and im tired of pity i want happy damn it lol. so im done now :) im off to search for my happy